bridgecity's Diaryland Diary

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The Moody Blues

I've been rather moody the last couple of weeks or so. I think it's because I've accessed certain emotions I've kept suppressed for some years. It's almost too much. It's hard for me to say it's the feeling of love or of jealousy or of fear or resentment or joy or selfishness or anything. It just feels like feelings. It feels like I've been damaged from being too numb for too long.
The overriding feeling is a kind of nervous excitement. A rather unfocused anxiousness. The truth is that I am really just wanting to spend all my time with this one person and I know this is impossible, so I end up resenting that impossibility. It is irrational to resent an impossibility. On top of the impossibility is the fact that spending all ones time with one person isn't healthy. I resent that fact too. I am jealous of the people who get to spend time with her when I cannot. I feel foolish that my lifestyle consists of constantly shifting schedules and last-minute changes and inconsistencies left and right.
My emotions are so blurred it's nothing short of exhausting. this is certainly the most revealing thing I've posted.

What this has to do with rock and roll I don't know yet.

12:49 a.m. - 2008-10-09

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