bridgecity's Diaryland Diary

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Where's the hurricane we were promised?

Playing music is losing it's fun. for over a year I've been sick of it but I dont know how to stop. I feel terrible after almost every show I play. I go home alone and sit there dissatisfied and pissed off and swear that I will quit playing music. but i dont quit. It is taking a huge toll on my physical health which, in turn, is making me lose confidence.
I had a thought last night while I was laying in bed for hours unable to sleep. I thought maybe I should begin behaving so recklessly that I somehow get into a fatal accident and that be the end of it. I don't even know what I would do if I didnt play music. Hating the only thing one loves is a terrible thing.

1:19 p.m. - 2008-09-13

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