bridgecity's Diaryland Diary

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Dostoevsky

Every year i get more and more depressed. It's almost to the point where i think i need to consult a doctor, except I hate doctors. I went to this doctor once for a sinus infection and it was a female doctor and after briefing her on my symptoms she said "you don't like doctors do you?" and I was completely taken aback by this. I mean, I honestly have nothing personal against any particular doctor it's just a generality but this doctor took it personally. maybe that's why i never go to a female doctor. or maybe it's because I don't want a female doctor man-handling me, lest I become aroused. only men should man-handle other men.
So anyway, depression. I start thinking of the least painful ways to commit suicide. A local-scene guy was recently electrocuted when he went for a swim in his apartment complex pool and there was a short in the pool-light and he was electrocuted. A friend of mine said it seemed like a peaceful enuff way to die. Then I informed him about how excruciatingly painful it is to be electrocuted, basically cooked from the inside out, often times taking aver 30 minutes to die.
So that's out. but seriously, These thoughts are merely distractions from dealing with personal problems accepting responsibility for various issues i deem unfair in life. I dont want to kill myself unless there is no other choice. right now i have endless choices,
like reading some Dostoevsky.

9:57 p.m. - 2008-02-10

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