bridgecity's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

cryee

I think there's something about being around paint fumes that makes me cry. I mean in an emotional way, not just a physical way, although maybe that too.
Everyday at work I shut myself up in whatever empty room it is I'm suppose to paint on whatever floor to be occupied by someone who is gonna die probably less than a couple of years after they move in. god know how many people have already died in these rooms. I put on Smog or magnetic fields or whatever and just sob. I usually try hard for a while to hold it in but everyday at some point it comes out. Since I started this job it's been happening. I think it's a sensitive environment. mostly women work there and they get very catty and mean and estrogened out. which equates to being cryee and hypersensitive. But lately when i cry it is about something very serious and sappy like the fragility of life or the inevitability of death, not personlly but the death of my loved ones. even something as slippery as the death of someones will to live or someones inability to ever be happy or love lost.
Interestingly enough I've noticed that since I've been crying this regularly I actually feel physically better. only lack of sleep holds me back. I rarely sleep more than 5 hours a night on average now, gone down from 10. This severely effects ones emotional state. The sensitivity increases. The desire for food decreases. Lack of food makes one more "mentally maleable", as it were.

11:21 p.m. - 2006-12-27

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next